12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
