It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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