guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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