Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
