On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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