come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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