he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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