Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
