Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
