1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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