so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's never too late to be topless.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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