I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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