His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
