Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
