Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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