i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I look better un-naked...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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