that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
