Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
