My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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