It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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