I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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