Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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