Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
