They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
