I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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