I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
