reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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