just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
