you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
