Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
