Need sex. Gaining weight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
