Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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