Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
