woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
