Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
