its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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