please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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