Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
