I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
