She is in my trunk
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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