she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
