I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
