Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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