Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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