Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
