On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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