We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
