i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
