i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
