He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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